What No One Ever Told Me About Making Friends

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July 30th was National Friendship Day, so naturally, I decided to do a post in celebration of that. I think that friendships are very valuable – just as valuable as your familial relatives are, and I also think that friends can become your family too. You love them, you are there for them, and you want the best for them – just as you do for yourself. Now, depending on who you are, making friends can be easy or more difficult to do (and I think it has a lot to do with how comfortable you are with yourself). But keeping them? That’s another story. So, a few days after National Friendship Day, here are my thoughts on friendship…

  1. Friends are easy to make but harder to keep. 

When I was a kid, my sister and I were friends with a girl who was the same age as us (yes, I’m a twin). We did everything together, and all I remember is that we were very close. Now, all I remember is her name. I guess she lost interest in hanging out with the twins or whatever it was, but we don’t see each other anymore, and I don’t think that she would recognize me, nor would I recognize her if we ran into each other on the street. And you know what? That’s kind of OK. I have great friends now (not a lot – but I always say that quality is better than quantity) and I am always open to more – if they and I connect on that platonic level that is sometimes hard to find.

  1. The connection should feel natural. 

Yes, you have to make an effort to stay in touch, and yes you have to care enough to even do that, but it shouldn’t feel forced to be friends with someone. A good friend accepts you for who you are, they don’t judge you, and they are there for you because they love you and, again, because they want the best for you.

  1. Life might get in the way of some friendships.

When I went through tough times in life and experienced those moments where I couldn’t reach out to friends (because I was too knee deep in what I was going through to bother), I lost touch with people.  And when I tried to reach out to some of them again, some rejected me (without any regard to the fact that life happens sometimes, and it can really stop you from reaching out). At first, when rejection happened, I thought “is it me?” You really do ask yourself whether something is so wrong with you that these people you thought you clicked with couldn’t get over the fact that you didn’t reach out to them for a while. But then, in retrospect, I realized they weren’t worth it because friendship is a two-way street.

  1. It’s worth the effort to try. 

I know that, for some people, it’s difficult to ‘get out there’ and try to build friendships. However, despite the difficulty, I say that it’s worth it to try. As I said, friends can genuinely be that soft place to land and they can become family. You can reveal parts of yourself with friends, and secrets, that you wouldn’t tell most people, and you can (and should) expect no judgement from them. So, for that reason, I would say that friendships are so valuable that you’re cheating yourself out of great relationships if you don’t even try.

I hope that this post helped or encouraged you in some way. Did I miss anything?! Let me know ( in one way or another)!

– Adaora

 

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